Full Disclosure: Total rant post right here.
I always knew what it was in the back of mind, but today validated everything I ever thought about Male Privledge. It must be nice to tell a woman to “fuck off”, and not think twice about it. You see, I always was raised to treat people with decency and respect, regardless of who they are. Not to demean them, especially in public. My mama taught me right. And so did my father.
Today, on my way to tutoring a child, I was pulling out of the gas station where I had stopped to purchase an ice cream treat for her. She has been doing well with her multiplication facts and I felt she deserved a little reward. As I continue out of the gas station, what I thought was a friendly gentleman, waves at me to pass. Well, I guess I mistook his kind gesture for something else? I am still cluless and I keep replaying what I did wrong in my head. I pass in front of him while trying to take a left onto the main road. I suddenly hear vicious horn wailing, a series of beeps, and vulger language coming from the “gentleman’s truck” behind me, followed with a few hand gestures. (He must be Itailian too). It took a second, but I realized he’s angry at me. I couldn’t have taken that left fast enough for him. I can see he wanted to turn right, so I kept inching my car into the main road, giving him space to pass to the right of me. Spiteful me would have just sat there and made him wait.
He would not let up on his horn and F bombs. One would have thought I robbed him.
He must have been in such a hurry this Tuesday morning. The belligerent language directed at me, his mom would be ashamed. Over a traffic issue. 100% gauarenteed, on my life, if I was another man, that incident would not have occured.
What did I want to do? I wanted to get out of my car and kick his door in. I WANTED to say, “You fucking asshole, what is your fucking problem? You can’t let people by then take it back you piece of shit! You just want me to pull out into traffic and die all because you’re in a fucking hurry you scumbag! Go kiss your mom with that mouth you douche bag with mommy issues, you fuckface bastard!” Yeah, that would have showed him!!
The North Providence Italian girl in me will never leave, but I have learned to be patient with people and take it for what it’s worth. I normally don’t let people get away with that kind of banter and I usually put them in their place. But I wanted to get to my tutoring job safely, and come home to my kids alive. My question is, why do I have to take this crap in the first place? Why put up with bullshit? Why should I always be submissive to the ridicule of men, especially white men? I always admit when I’m wrong, I don’t have a problem with that, but I am NOT going to let someone think I’m wrong when I’m not. It has to STOP. And even when I am wrong, it’s still no excuse to treat someone that way.
It must be nice for men to walk around with thier balls out thinking they can speak and act however they’d like, espcially towards women. I am someone’s wife. I am someone’s mother. I am someone’s daughter. Would they talk to thier mother, wife, or daughter that way? And if they saw thier own loved ones being mistreated, what would they do? Would they even care?
I am tired. I am tired of being made to feel inferior. I am tired of being spoken to, like I live in some region in the middle east where women are not treated as equal partners. I am tired of being submissive. I am tired of having to speak up and defend myself. I’m tired of competing. I’m tired of being told to stand still and look pretty. I’m tired of being made to feel like shit. I am tired of thinking I’m stupid and unworthy. I am tired of men. They have such a privledge that they will never understand.
And to the man in the truck, I hope it was all worth it.
PS. Sorry to the men out there who this doesn’t represent. You know who you are